December 23, 2007
here comes December..bringing along the gorgeous rain, and cloudy mornings of tender breeze. But also..bringing back my insecurity, my depression.
With every drop of rain on my window.. a shiver goes through my body, a cold thought runs through my head, why am I so sad?
I mean .. two years back it was understandable.. I had family fights, I felt so completely alone, I was just becoming a teen, it was UNDERSTANDABLE. But why now? Sure I feel alone, I don't have close friends, but so what? A lot of people don't, and things in my life got better, it's way worse for other people, so why do I still wanna fade away?
When I'm home alone, I don't feel ugly. I don't feel inferior to everyone else. But when I go out of the house, I just HAVE to compare myself to every frickin girl I see. I feel so insecure and thoughts overwhelm me so I just don't wanna live anymore.
It's stupid, really.. but it's kinda bad that now that mom went away for this month to be with dad, we're gonna have to spend Eid, Christmas and new year's alone. If I had friends I would go out with them but..oh whatever. My sisters are fine anyway..we'll be fine..i think.
This is just a random entry coz it's 8 a.m. (Friday morning, no skool).. and I can't go back to sleep. Shit.
It's raining now..it's so beautiful.. but scary too.
Well I guess depression's still on for now..
So..
November 22, 2007
Drowning in the silence
Of my clouded skies
Walking alone
Invisible to you
Why can't you see me?
Why don't you care?
Do you even know I'm there?
Sometimes I wonder
If you can feel my heart
Breaking on the floor
I wonder
Why would you wanna hurt me more
Than you already did
Now that I'm alone
I feel your voice
Drowning in my thoughts
Pool of emptiness
& dreams that'll never come true
Leave me in the dark
With my obsessions, always so far
Taken over my heart
Forever
& if I fade away tomorrow
Will you notice that I'm gone?
Will you read my poems and see
The shattered heart I used to be?
